Sadly Beautiful
by She's a Star
Summary: 'I had no chance at all to watch you grow up so sadly, beautiful.' Lily reflects as she watches Harry sleep.


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Sadly Beautiful

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by She's a Star

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Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to the brilliant JKR. (Need I even say that?) The song Sadly Beautiful (which I've never actually heard...I just liked the lyrics when I found them) belongs to Jessica Riddle, I believe.

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Author's Note: Weird little fic here...just felt compelled to write it. :-) This takes place the summer after GoF.

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He looked so peaceful when he slept.

Lily Potter watched fondly as his chest rose and fall with every few seconds, his soft breathing filling her ears.

It was well past midnight, and she knew that James would be irritated if she didn't leave her son soon. But the insisting (albeit silly) urge to watch Harry seemed to grow more and more each day, just as he himself did. 

It was the only thing that truly soothed her now, watching him.

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From the very first day that you were born.

To the last time that you said goodbye, torn

I had no chance at all, to watch you grow,

Up so sadly, beautiful.

Up so sadly, beautiful.

He shivered a bit in his sleep, and she winced involuntarily. She longed to go over to him, to sink down next to him and soothe him with lullabies until he smiled while he slept. He had so many different smiles - sometimes they were like his father's, sometimes her own. 

The ones he wore these days were hers. There was none of James' mischievousness. 

Only her tired sadness.

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Baby needs a brand new pair of eyes.

'Cause the ones you got now see only good-byes.

I had no chance at all, to let you know,

Oh so sadly, beautiful.

Oh so sadly, beautiful.

She felt crystalline tears welling up in her eyes, but didn't give them permission to fall. These were the only times that she had with her baby, her son, her Harry. She didn't want to spend them crying.

He shivered again, and she reached to him instinctively, her fingers barely brushing against his shoulder. He seemed to relax for a moment, and she found herself desperately wishing that she could hold her little boy forever.

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Well, you've got your father's hair,

And you've got your father's nose,

But you've got my soul.

Sadly, beautiful.

There was so much of James in him, and she only wished that it shone now the way it had used to. Harry didn't seem to smile anymore - he seemed saddened, strangely jaded, and so utterly lost. 

She'd have given anything to make him happy, to wash the painful memories of the previous year from his mind. 

Something inside of her told her that her baby was no longer a child; he had seen a part of the world that only adults should have seen, and it seemed he no longer viewed anything in his life with wonder, only a strange knowing. He felt that he had seen it all in that single evening; he held himself responsible for that poor boy's death, he blamed himself for the evil that had risen once again.

She could feel pieces of her own soul in him, and it hurt her.

She didn't want him to hurt as she'd once hurt.

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From the last time that I said goodbye, torn

To a face that turned away, pale and worn.

I had no chance at all, to let you know,

I left you sadly, beautiful.

I left you sadly, beautiful.

And silently, tears began to spill down her cheeks as she looked at him, so small and big all at once, ready to face the world not because he was prepared but because he felt in debt to it.

"Lily?"

She turned to see James, watching her sadly.

"He's on his own now, Lil."

She sighed; a soft, woeful sigh. "He'll never be on his own."

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Oh sadly, beautiful.

So sadly, beautiful.

Harry Potter woke up again, shaken awake by merciless nightmares. And for an instant, an ethereal glow seemed to fill his room; he caught the slightest glimpse of silken white wings.

And then he blinked, and it had all disappeared.

With a forlorn sigh, he lifted his sleeve to his face, oblivious to the fact that the tears staining his cheeks weren't his own.

And a soft voice seemed to fill his head; it wasn't the cruel laugh of Lord Voldemort, nor screams of terror.

It was only a faint melody, bittersweet and soothing.

_"Oh so sadly, beautiful."_

END


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